It's been an interesting journey, to put it lightly. On February 13th, 2010, my father shot himself. It is absolutely terrible to write those words. I still shake my head in amazement that I am living in a world where this happened to me. Life just doesn't do what we want it to do. There is so much we can't control and when tragedy strikes, we are made all too aware of that fact.
As I've battled through depression and grief over the past year, I've become compelled to write, hence the title of this blog. I figure that's one of the things life has thrown my way that I didn't anticipate. I never planned to be a writer. I've never really wanted to write much more than song lyrics. But here I am. I've been writing for months on end now. It started in October last year (2010) when I began journaling through some tough issues, and I haven't stopped. I've just changed what I'm writing. Creating this blog was simply another outlet for what I continue to feel compelled to do.
I keep asking myself "why?" Why write about this stuff? Why share this hardship? It's hard enough going through it alone. Facing the reality that some readers won't agree or like what I say isn't my "cup of tea." But I'm learning that in life you just have to pick a side. You just have to make decisions and believe something. We generally do anyway, whether we are comfortable to admit it or not. So I've chosen to agree with God through what He said in the bible because I think He is the source of every answer to every question I've had concerning my life. I don't understand it all. Who does? But I continue to strive toward gaining knowledge and wisdom through a relationship with Jesus Christ. The bible is a book that reveals the character and person of Jesus, and it claims even to be the very Word of God. I've chosen to take it seriously, and in it have found a living God who created me and loves me. There is power in knowing Him, living in relationship with Him. I believe it's that power that has brought me here to talk to you. In fact, if it weren't for the truth I've found in His Word, I probably wouldn't bother sharing my thoughts.
Ephesians 2:10 (ESV) says "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." There are two truths here that have given me reason to push forward. First, He thought of me before I thought of me. Second, He had an idea of what He wanted me to do before I got here, so I guess I better get to doing it. I don't think we have to look much further than this for belonging and purpose in life. It's pretty clear. We just have to make a decision to agree with what God said. Maybe that doesn't work for you, but it is the foundational truth upon which I'm living at this point. And even though I've been a "christian" for 16 years, I'm not sure I really understood this scripture until now.
So I invite you to read, to learn, to disagree, to think, and to believe. Believe in whatever you want. But don't just take my word for it one way or the other. Open the bible for yourself and decide. I'm going to believe in God and trust Him to be God. I hope something I say resonates with your spirit and if you don't have a relationship with a living Jesus, I pray you'll find Him somewhere in these words.
Sincerely,
Jeremy
