I posted to Facebook this morning that I recognize that God has given me all good things. I am certainly blessed with abundance in many ways, yet sin still entangles many areas of my life. I am still dealing with the curse, and much which I have brought upon myself. Has it occurred to you that the need to follow God's law actually produces freedom and health in your life?
There is a great battle with evil that we each fight every day and I fear that we are encumbered by our ignorance, taken captive in our blindness. How often do we really only honor God with our lips while keeping our hearts safely tucked away for our own tending? Have the "religious fanatics" found the life lived to Christ that we so say we desire? Are we aware of how different that life might actually look from our own if we were to indulge our conscience in holy discernment over the actions and words we give life to daily?
Even as we act in worship weekly, as tradition has taught us, we strive for vast amounts of control, sometimes even squelching the Spirit's calling to open our mouth in praise or raise our hands, only inviting the working of God's presence in our meetings at specified times for minute intervals, and only if He works through the prescribed liturgy or prepared hymn or the rehearsed sermon. I wonder how we will ever truly see and experience God in our worship without a willingness to strip away all that we call "worship" and wait for HIS leading. But to many, that would seem grossly out of order, partly because it removes the element of control from a human hand. But can God not be God? Has he not sent his Spirit to give EACH one of us gifts to share? And God forbid we don't make it through our order of worship in the allotted time. All the elements of worship must surely be played out in rote fashion for us to have achieved a "service." Then we can walk away knowing that things were smooth, and the sermon was nice, the music was "worshipful" and certainly God will honor that. After all, everything was done decently and in order. Yet I fear as we polish and refine the smoothly executed worship experience, we are only walking away with stale breadcrumbs from the ritualistically mystified communion table. We are walking away with a hint of fresh baked bread coming out of the oven, but from another room and another building and another church.
We (and I) desperately desire more of God Himself in our corporate worship services, but we utterly fail to recognize that God is not defined within a liturgy, a prayer, a heartfelt song, a sermon series, a creed, or where we put the announcements in the service. He is absolutely above and outside of all of that. A brief "chat" with him (or is it at him?) once a week will not open us to deeper revelation, understanding, or relationship - at least not if we want more than what we have.
I want more. What do you want?
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Reaching for Reality
Hi again. It's been a while because I've been in the busiest period of my life since my final semester of college. Of course that was only a year and a half ago, but it seems longer. At any rate, I think there's just a bunch of random thoughts that I'd like to share with you today.
I have noticed over time that when grief pops back up, it almost seems foreign because I've somewhat just ignored it over time. Don't get me wrong, I've certainly moved forward in a lot if ways, but there is an awe, if you will, over this kind of loss that doesn't seem to change. And at times, I almost feel that I need to stop and mourn for a few minutes on my own. This has certainly been the testimony of many people I know that have been through it. The impact of the event is just too deep. It changes you at the core. And while it has solidified my idea of me, it also makes me question who I really am. Am I the sum total of my experiences? Or was I already me? Am I now just reacting to life's circumstances? Even more, I ask God why I've been asked to live through this.
I recently got my first teaching job at a Christian school and it is the most wonderful blessing I've received in a long time. I have been so convicted over my own life purpose in the last year, I have no doubt that God has a hand in placing me here, but even with that deep conviction about life, I struggle to share the most genuine reasons I have for living and being with my students.
First of all, just working in a place where it's okay to talk about God and to pray and honor scripture is an incredible thing, but making that personal for so many other "little people" is quite a daunting task. I have to admit I really have no idea where to start, but I have been given a couple of ideas. I love music with a passion and I'm so glad I made the journey to get the degree I needed to teach it. That's the obvious first point of contact. Teach the subject. Secondly, I have prayer. I have been praying almost every day for some aspect of our school, and I continue to trust God to honor those prayers. There are so many families and lives that are being touched through this school, I don't think I realized how much teaching was about giving.
So maybe I'm closer to reality than I thought. Real relationships, real needs, real truth. I'm so humbled there aren't words for it! At least not that I can find right now.
Well, time for my head to hit the pillow.
Till next time.
I have noticed over time that when grief pops back up, it almost seems foreign because I've somewhat just ignored it over time. Don't get me wrong, I've certainly moved forward in a lot if ways, but there is an awe, if you will, over this kind of loss that doesn't seem to change. And at times, I almost feel that I need to stop and mourn for a few minutes on my own. This has certainly been the testimony of many people I know that have been through it. The impact of the event is just too deep. It changes you at the core. And while it has solidified my idea of me, it also makes me question who I really am. Am I the sum total of my experiences? Or was I already me? Am I now just reacting to life's circumstances? Even more, I ask God why I've been asked to live through this.
I recently got my first teaching job at a Christian school and it is the most wonderful blessing I've received in a long time. I have been so convicted over my own life purpose in the last year, I have no doubt that God has a hand in placing me here, but even with that deep conviction about life, I struggle to share the most genuine reasons I have for living and being with my students.
First of all, just working in a place where it's okay to talk about God and to pray and honor scripture is an incredible thing, but making that personal for so many other "little people" is quite a daunting task. I have to admit I really have no idea where to start, but I have been given a couple of ideas. I love music with a passion and I'm so glad I made the journey to get the degree I needed to teach it. That's the obvious first point of contact. Teach the subject. Secondly, I have prayer. I have been praying almost every day for some aspect of our school, and I continue to trust God to honor those prayers. There are so many families and lives that are being touched through this school, I don't think I realized how much teaching was about giving.
So maybe I'm closer to reality than I thought. Real relationships, real needs, real truth. I'm so humbled there aren't words for it! At least not that I can find right now.
Well, time for my head to hit the pillow.
Till next time.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sour Signage
So I drove by a church the other day with a sign which read: "Jesus is also planning a separation of church and state" or something similar. I have no comment on the political implications of the sign, but I had to ask myself, AGAIN - WHY do churches insist on attempting to spread some message (supposedly evangelistic in nature?) through ridiculous billboard sayings? (I feel similar about "Christian" bumper-stickers.) You can scour the internet for a multitude of actual signage (although some is faked), but here's a few anyway:
"Try Jesus - If you don't like him, the devil will take you back"
"Life – your only chance. Eternity – payback time"
"What if we're right?"
"God is not bound to the facts"
Those are examples of some of the bad ones. Now maybe I'm just narrow-minded, but the idea that someone might actually be evangelized and find relationship with Christ through the silly, and sometimes utterly evil, ideas that churches put on signs is ridiculous to me. (I reserve the right to be wrong. If you got saved because God spoke to you through a church sign, I would love to know about it and I wouldn't judge you.) And don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with every sign out there. There are actually a few I've seen that made me laugh, like "God so loved the world, that he did not send a committee." But that's church humor, not an attempt to evangelize the world through your sign. It's the signs that are attempting to move a person to act based on a few theologically unsound, out-of-context, and sometimes judgmental words.
Is the goal of these signs to be clever? Are they trying to convince us of Christ's message through wit? Does somebody really think that this attracts people to churches?
Before I wrote this post, I did some searching around to see what's on the internet regarding church signs. I couldn't believe it (well, I could actually) when I found a site that has the following on the home page:
"[SITE] is a 100% FREE resource that provides an endless abundance of thought-provoking and inspiring Christian messages and is the perfect tool for anyone looking to promote God’s kingdom beyond the walls of the congregation. (My comment: what happened to "GO and make disciples?")
Every church sign saying that you see listed has been submitted by Christians just like you and me, from all corners of the globe, making this resource truly a central area to help spread the word of Jesus Christ."
Are you serious? Spread the word of Jesus Christ? Inspiring Christian messages? I don't know about you, but I have yet to be "inspired" by a single church billboard. In fact, most of what I've seen makes me wary to step foot in the door. This is not bible-believing Christianity, it is not evangelism, and it is not a "Christian message." We have got to stop believing in these silly religious ideas and recognize our own laziness. This is not the gospel. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not clever and witty as if to persuade men to believe on account of any such thing. Truth needs not be hidden behind anything. Paul says, "But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ (2 Corinthians 11:3)." He also says that the gospel is the power of God to us who are being saved (1 Corinthians 1:18), but it is foolishness to them that perish. Dare we, the church, make the actual Gospel of Christ to sound foolish to men by our attempt at cleverness?
"If you think Jesus isn't real, try dying without Him and see what happens." - Church Sign
Frankly, it's absurd to me to think that these sayings have any positive effect on the passers-by who might actually need the salvation of Christ. It makes light of the gospel and makes the church look ignorant concerning the true needs of the world around them. Do not be taken in by the religious fads of our day, thinking that just because a church, or many churches, take part in them, that they're "gospel." We as the church often fail to open up our bibles and do something because God said so. We measure our evangelistic actions by the world's standards rather than measuring them by the Word of our God. We need to wake up and get real.
"Try Jesus - If you don't like him, the devil will take you back"
"Life – your only chance. Eternity – payback time"
"What if we're right?"
"God is not bound to the facts"
Those are examples of some of the bad ones. Now maybe I'm just narrow-minded, but the idea that someone might actually be evangelized and find relationship with Christ through the silly, and sometimes utterly evil, ideas that churches put on signs is ridiculous to me. (I reserve the right to be wrong. If you got saved because God spoke to you through a church sign, I would love to know about it and I wouldn't judge you.) And don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with every sign out there. There are actually a few I've seen that made me laugh, like "God so loved the world, that he did not send a committee." But that's church humor, not an attempt to evangelize the world through your sign. It's the signs that are attempting to move a person to act based on a few theologically unsound, out-of-context, and sometimes judgmental words.
Is the goal of these signs to be clever? Are they trying to convince us of Christ's message through wit? Does somebody really think that this attracts people to churches?
Before I wrote this post, I did some searching around to see what's on the internet regarding church signs. I couldn't believe it (well, I could actually) when I found a site that has the following on the home page:
"[SITE] is a 100% FREE resource that provides an endless abundance of thought-provoking and inspiring Christian messages and is the perfect tool for anyone looking to promote God’s kingdom beyond the walls of the congregation. (My comment: what happened to "GO and make disciples?")
Every church sign saying that you see listed has been submitted by Christians just like you and me, from all corners of the globe, making this resource truly a central area to help spread the word of Jesus Christ."
Are you serious? Spread the word of Jesus Christ? Inspiring Christian messages? I don't know about you, but I have yet to be "inspired" by a single church billboard. In fact, most of what I've seen makes me wary to step foot in the door. This is not bible-believing Christianity, it is not evangelism, and it is not a "Christian message." We have got to stop believing in these silly religious ideas and recognize our own laziness. This is not the gospel. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not clever and witty as if to persuade men to believe on account of any such thing. Truth needs not be hidden behind anything. Paul says, "But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ (2 Corinthians 11:3)." He also says that the gospel is the power of God to us who are being saved (1 Corinthians 1:18), but it is foolishness to them that perish. Dare we, the church, make the actual Gospel of Christ to sound foolish to men by our attempt at cleverness?
"If you think Jesus isn't real, try dying without Him and see what happens." - Church Sign
Frankly, it's absurd to me to think that these sayings have any positive effect on the passers-by who might actually need the salvation of Christ. It makes light of the gospel and makes the church look ignorant concerning the true needs of the world around them. Do not be taken in by the religious fads of our day, thinking that just because a church, or many churches, take part in them, that they're "gospel." We as the church often fail to open up our bibles and do something because God said so. We measure our evangelistic actions by the world's standards rather than measuring them by the Word of our God. We need to wake up and get real.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Turning the Page
I am about to begin a new chapter in my life. A year ago, I was barely treading water in a sea of depression and grief, living day to day, hour to hour, often wrestling with anger, angst, and fear of the future. It is amazing to me where I am today. I have hope and purpose. I not only believe that intellectually, but I feel it too. I feel good. I haven't felt "good" in a long time. I have been wrestling with God to get peace over my own life ever since my father died. As I turn the corner onto this new road He's sent me traveling, I have a sense of peace, a sense of readiness for the next thing in my life, and for what God will do in time. If you've been through any intense grief, you probably know what it's like to have no sense of the future, no sense of hope, the weight of deep sorrow and regret for everything bad that's happened wrapped around you all the time. It consumes your thoughts, your feelings; it drains your energy physically and emotionally.
Sometimes we question our faith. My faith generally remained sure. I believed God would be God whether I liked it or not. I was mad at Him, very very mad. But I have worked through that multiple times with Him and He still loves me. Regardless of what I felt, I didn't change my mind about what I thought. Yes, I wrestled with the questions of why and how and for what, but that didn't change how I ultimately viewed God. The reason it didn't change my view is because my view is based on His Word. I know that's becoming less and less popular in our culture, to believe the Bible, but if you actually read the thing, you'll find some incredibly striking claims about God, like the idea that THE Word (divine) became flesh (human) (John 1). Hey, you might even realize who God is and how much He loves you.
The bible says a lot about how God feels toward us. But it's also clear that He is not ruled by His feelings. Jesus said His Word will stand forever. I believe His feelings are based on His thoughts. So are yours. Post-modern society tells us that feelings determine truth. They don't. Feelings can be sin just as much as thoughts can be. Truth determines feelings. That's how God decided it would be. So much so that He said heaven and earth would pass away, but that His Word would stand forever (that's eternity!). So while us ridiculous Christians are putting our faith in something that's concrete, something that doesn't change, the rest of the world is laughing at us and calling us foolish because of it.
I say all that because I was thinking today that I have to give God credit for bringing me through the past year and a half, for restoring me to hope and goodness. It's Jesus, the living Word of God, that has been the source of the truth that has changed my feelings about life. I realize that some people, probably many, will think that's utterly ridiculous, but I won't give another explanation for it. Jesus is it. He is the only reason we exist. He is the source of all life and peace.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Sometimes we question our faith. My faith generally remained sure. I believed God would be God whether I liked it or not. I was mad at Him, very very mad. But I have worked through that multiple times with Him and He still loves me. Regardless of what I felt, I didn't change my mind about what I thought. Yes, I wrestled with the questions of why and how and for what, but that didn't change how I ultimately viewed God. The reason it didn't change my view is because my view is based on His Word. I know that's becoming less and less popular in our culture, to believe the Bible, but if you actually read the thing, you'll find some incredibly striking claims about God, like the idea that THE Word (divine) became flesh (human) (John 1). Hey, you might even realize who God is and how much He loves you.
The bible says a lot about how God feels toward us. But it's also clear that He is not ruled by His feelings. Jesus said His Word will stand forever. I believe His feelings are based on His thoughts. So are yours. Post-modern society tells us that feelings determine truth. They don't. Feelings can be sin just as much as thoughts can be. Truth determines feelings. That's how God decided it would be. So much so that He said heaven and earth would pass away, but that His Word would stand forever (that's eternity!). So while us ridiculous Christians are putting our faith in something that's concrete, something that doesn't change, the rest of the world is laughing at us and calling us foolish because of it.
I say all that because I was thinking today that I have to give God credit for bringing me through the past year and a half, for restoring me to hope and goodness. It's Jesus, the living Word of God, that has been the source of the truth that has changed my feelings about life. I realize that some people, probably many, will think that's utterly ridiculous, but I won't give another explanation for it. Jesus is it. He is the only reason we exist. He is the source of all life and peace.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Friday, August 19, 2011
My Father's Son
"He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not."
John 1:10 (KJV)
Do we ever know anything before we lose it?
On the way home tonight, as I was praying, I began to think of my father and just how much I miss him. I was moved to tears as I realized that until I lost him, I didn't know just how much of me was wrapped up in him. He was my daddy, the man on earth to whom I bear resemblance in my biological design. But the scripture says that I also bear resemblance to my Father in heaven. I am not, and cannot be me without my earthly father.
And I believe that we are not, and do not also exist, without our Father in heaven. Only, even as he created us in His image, we do not, and have not recognized him as such. He, as Jesus, was born on the earth, taking on our distinctly human image and displaying the glory (the distinction of being GOD) of THE Father in heaven as though he were the ONLY one "begotten" of the Father (John 1:14). In other words, it should have been obvious he was God. Forgive me if I'm getting this wrong, but we, also, were begotten (created) of the Father. Originally. We lost that when Adam fell prey to the Devil's deception and chose sin. Because sin entered, we became dead in it and Satan became our father (John 8:44). (I believe Satan's goal was to steal us from the Father, just as he did the stars of heaven {angels} when he fell [Revelation 12:4]). Jesus came so that we who believe on him would again become sons of God (John 1:12; 1 John 3:8).
So this all leads me daringly to the question, would we really know our Father if we had not lost Him? Honestly, I don't like that question, nor do I have an answer to it. Maybe it's just a bad question. But seriously, I hate evil. I hate hurt. I hate what I've had to go through and what you've had to go through. But for some reason, God has allowed it, and set himself apart from it as good. Then, He has asked us to choose. Seems too easy, really... Nah, maybe "simple" is a better word. The gospel is simple (2 Cor. 11:3). Not easy, but simple.
"But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God." ~ John 1:12-13, emphasis mine ~
John 1:10 (KJV)
Do we ever know anything before we lose it?
On the way home tonight, as I was praying, I began to think of my father and just how much I miss him. I was moved to tears as I realized that until I lost him, I didn't know just how much of me was wrapped up in him. He was my daddy, the man on earth to whom I bear resemblance in my biological design. But the scripture says that I also bear resemblance to my Father in heaven. I am not, and cannot be me without my earthly father.
And I believe that we are not, and do not also exist, without our Father in heaven. Only, even as he created us in His image, we do not, and have not recognized him as such. He, as Jesus, was born on the earth, taking on our distinctly human image and displaying the glory (the distinction of being GOD) of THE Father in heaven as though he were the ONLY one "begotten" of the Father (John 1:14). In other words, it should have been obvious he was God. Forgive me if I'm getting this wrong, but we, also, were begotten (created) of the Father. Originally. We lost that when Adam fell prey to the Devil's deception and chose sin. Because sin entered, we became dead in it and Satan became our father (John 8:44). (I believe Satan's goal was to steal us from the Father, just as he did the stars of heaven {angels} when he fell [Revelation 12:4]). Jesus came so that we who believe on him would again become sons of God (John 1:12; 1 John 3:8).
So this all leads me daringly to the question, would we really know our Father if we had not lost Him? Honestly, I don't like that question, nor do I have an answer to it. Maybe it's just a bad question. But seriously, I hate evil. I hate hurt. I hate what I've had to go through and what you've had to go through. But for some reason, God has allowed it, and set himself apart from it as good. Then, He has asked us to choose. Seems too easy, really... Nah, maybe "simple" is a better word. The gospel is simple (2 Cor. 11:3). Not easy, but simple.
"But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God." ~ John 1:12-13, emphasis mine ~
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Picking Up the Pieces
My brother and I got together at my house this weekend to attempt to finish going through Dad's stuff. My father was a pack-rat, probably nearing hoarder (not really), but he kept a lot of things organized, or just stored in boxes in the basement. He had a ton of knick-knacks and doo-dads displayed everywhere, and his walls were covered with framed art and pictures. This has been the bulk of what we had left to work through. It's been a year and a half now and unfortunately, this hasn't felt any easier to go through than it was to begin with.
Our weekend began on a high note, with us sorting through the myriad of tools my father owned, nothing big, just what would fit in a couple of tool chests. But my father being who he was, he kept tools that were probably 80+ years old that would have belonged to my grandfather. We laughed at some of the useless items we ran across from 19-forever ago. Like a nail biter (?) (removes the nail head) that didn't close all the way. Old rusty wrenches. A bunch of small trinkets that I don't even know the use for. It was humorous, and we both ended up with some useful items that we enjoyed negotiating to get.
It's been a nice thing that I only have my brother in this picture, as opposed to multiple siblings, because we both have varied interests and desire for different things. We have only wrestled for a small handful of items over the course of time, but haven't really fought over a single one. Until last night, when I decided to take up issue with some valuable stuff and got offended hastily instead of discussing my concerns calmly. My brother didn't know what hit him. I admit I was a complete jerk, so he was immediately on the defensive, and there we were, duking it out (verbally) over any number of things from the past year and a half we could think to drum up. It really was probably ridiculous, but we couldn't help but be fueled by emotion because of what we'd spent the last 2 days doing. Ultimately, I wasn't really arguing because I wanted more stuff, but I sure felt terrible when I realized that I was that person we all baulk at that raises issue over something so insignificant as a few dollars. In the end, is any amount ever worth the relationship it gets in the middle of? I really could have handled that better.
Well, I got my point across, and in turn, my brother was so hurt by the exchange that he just wanted to leave my house and throw in the towel on the whole process. Boy did I feel tiny. You see, we have been very thankful for and to each other that we haven't had a true fight over any of dad's stuff, that he left without direction for us to deal with. And after last night, I realized that my brother and I would lay down every last bit of everything just to keep each other, and certainly to have dad back.
I love my brother to pieces, and I'm incredibly proud of him because he lost his daddy too. I hate what this loss has done to us individually, but collectively we've stuck together and we will work to keep it that way. As for the stuff, it just has to be gone through and there's really no way to avoid the hurt we both feel as we comb through essentially what is left of our father. He left us no opportunity for closure, and we are painfully mindful of that with every picture, every knick-knack, every plate, and every tool that we touch and assign new ownership to.
Our weekend began on a high note, with us sorting through the myriad of tools my father owned, nothing big, just what would fit in a couple of tool chests. But my father being who he was, he kept tools that were probably 80+ years old that would have belonged to my grandfather. We laughed at some of the useless items we ran across from 19-forever ago. Like a nail biter (?) (removes the nail head) that didn't close all the way. Old rusty wrenches. A bunch of small trinkets that I don't even know the use for. It was humorous, and we both ended up with some useful items that we enjoyed negotiating to get.
It's been a nice thing that I only have my brother in this picture, as opposed to multiple siblings, because we both have varied interests and desire for different things. We have only wrestled for a small handful of items over the course of time, but haven't really fought over a single one. Until last night, when I decided to take up issue with some valuable stuff and got offended hastily instead of discussing my concerns calmly. My brother didn't know what hit him. I admit I was a complete jerk, so he was immediately on the defensive, and there we were, duking it out (verbally) over any number of things from the past year and a half we could think to drum up. It really was probably ridiculous, but we couldn't help but be fueled by emotion because of what we'd spent the last 2 days doing. Ultimately, I wasn't really arguing because I wanted more stuff, but I sure felt terrible when I realized that I was that person we all baulk at that raises issue over something so insignificant as a few dollars. In the end, is any amount ever worth the relationship it gets in the middle of? I really could have handled that better.
Well, I got my point across, and in turn, my brother was so hurt by the exchange that he just wanted to leave my house and throw in the towel on the whole process. Boy did I feel tiny. You see, we have been very thankful for and to each other that we haven't had a true fight over any of dad's stuff, that he left without direction for us to deal with. And after last night, I realized that my brother and I would lay down every last bit of everything just to keep each other, and certainly to have dad back.
I love my brother to pieces, and I'm incredibly proud of him because he lost his daddy too. I hate what this loss has done to us individually, but collectively we've stuck together and we will work to keep it that way. As for the stuff, it just has to be gone through and there's really no way to avoid the hurt we both feel as we comb through essentially what is left of our father. He left us no opportunity for closure, and we are painfully mindful of that with every picture, every knick-knack, every plate, and every tool that we touch and assign new ownership to.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
This Side of Suicide
Wow, I've managed to post nothing for a month now. Guess we're heading into the business of Fall. Sometimes I wish our entire year felt a little more balanced, but either way I'm excited for the near future.
I want to talk a little bit about what it's like on this side of losing someone to suicide. I was talking to a friend the other day and said "I just feel like the world started over when I lost my dad. Everything is different." He asked "how so?" And I found myself in a bit of a quandary. I'm not sure that I can explain it sufficiently, but I'll give it a shot.
Going back to the day that I received the news that my father had taken his life, the reaction I had felt much like exactly what you see in movies or television when someone dies and the survivor falls to the floor in utter shock and disbelief. They may completely break down right then, or stare into space for a while and break down later. It's one thing I think the media tends to get right as far as it parallels real life. That was my reaction - my world immediately fell apart. I was momentarily breathless. Everything changed in a profound way. In fact, the moment of taking in that news was something I tried for months to relive and replay in my head over and over and over. That probably sounds a bit odd if you haven't experienced it, but I figured out that it had to do with just how much that moment changed my life. I needed to understand exactly what happened and at the same time accept the reality of it. And that took a long time. It had all just happened too fast. An analogy, for better or worse, that I could use here is that of a horizon. As the sun sets, the horizon is a clear line that separates day from night. Day and night are starkly different. There are qualities of each that the other does not share, though they are related. This was a dividing line for me, something that separated my life into two distinctly different things.
The differences are probably more internal to me than they would be externally to others. My attitudes are different, they are more defined, and I feel a little less easy-going. My opinions have sharpened. My view of the world is probably a little more pessimistic. But my faith and conviction about who God is is stronger than it's ever been. By the same token, my belief in who Satan is is also stronger. The amount of energy I have to put into various things has changed. It's more important to determine my priorities for actions, thoughts and interactions with other people each day. I don't have the same patience I used to have. I'm more cynical. I want things more to the point and with less fluff.
You know, I'm also more concerned with, or at least aware of, whether or not I have a loving influence and Godly witness in the lives of those around me. Why? Because I firmly believe that Jesus Christ is responsible for my life and existence, and for getting me through tragedy, and I have to live for that or there's no point. That may scare some of you, and I think it should. No, I don't really want you to be afraid. I want you to realize that Jesus taught us that if a man (anyone) builds his house on sand, it will fall when the storm comes, but the one who builds his house on the rock will be safe in its foundation (Matthew 7). I have looked death in the face and determined that the only reason to live is Christ. My house fell! It was built on love of music and love of church and love of games and love of family and love of pleasure and love of creativity and love of being loved, and the list goes on. I had to determine whether or not my new foundation would be built of rock on THE rock. That doesn't mean those other things don't exist, but they are the walls and floors and ceilings, not the foundation. Neither does that make me less sinful, but it makes me more aware of my sin. We as God's people spend too much time building and motivating our lives by things that mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme. The only thing that God has said will stand forever is HIS WORD (Matthew 24). Folks, that is Jesus. Read John chapter 1.
Alright, I'll stop preaching! :) I digress...
So at this point, I'm still not sure I have or can sufficiently explain it, but I do know that most survivors of suicide feel this way at some point or another, or all the time even. It really does feel like the world, my world, started over on February 13th, 2010. It will NEVER be the same as it was before that date. It is, unfortunately, the most profound and confounding thing I've ever experienced.
Till next time,
Jeremy
I want to talk a little bit about what it's like on this side of losing someone to suicide. I was talking to a friend the other day and said "I just feel like the world started over when I lost my dad. Everything is different." He asked "how so?" And I found myself in a bit of a quandary. I'm not sure that I can explain it sufficiently, but I'll give it a shot.
Going back to the day that I received the news that my father had taken his life, the reaction I had felt much like exactly what you see in movies or television when someone dies and the survivor falls to the floor in utter shock and disbelief. They may completely break down right then, or stare into space for a while and break down later. It's one thing I think the media tends to get right as far as it parallels real life. That was my reaction - my world immediately fell apart. I was momentarily breathless. Everything changed in a profound way. In fact, the moment of taking in that news was something I tried for months to relive and replay in my head over and over and over. That probably sounds a bit odd if you haven't experienced it, but I figured out that it had to do with just how much that moment changed my life. I needed to understand exactly what happened and at the same time accept the reality of it. And that took a long time. It had all just happened too fast. An analogy, for better or worse, that I could use here is that of a horizon. As the sun sets, the horizon is a clear line that separates day from night. Day and night are starkly different. There are qualities of each that the other does not share, though they are related. This was a dividing line for me, something that separated my life into two distinctly different things.
The differences are probably more internal to me than they would be externally to others. My attitudes are different, they are more defined, and I feel a little less easy-going. My opinions have sharpened. My view of the world is probably a little more pessimistic. But my faith and conviction about who God is is stronger than it's ever been. By the same token, my belief in who Satan is is also stronger. The amount of energy I have to put into various things has changed. It's more important to determine my priorities for actions, thoughts and interactions with other people each day. I don't have the same patience I used to have. I'm more cynical. I want things more to the point and with less fluff.
You know, I'm also more concerned with, or at least aware of, whether or not I have a loving influence and Godly witness in the lives of those around me. Why? Because I firmly believe that Jesus Christ is responsible for my life and existence, and for getting me through tragedy, and I have to live for that or there's no point. That may scare some of you, and I think it should. No, I don't really want you to be afraid. I want you to realize that Jesus taught us that if a man (anyone) builds his house on sand, it will fall when the storm comes, but the one who builds his house on the rock will be safe in its foundation (Matthew 7). I have looked death in the face and determined that the only reason to live is Christ. My house fell! It was built on love of music and love of church and love of games and love of family and love of pleasure and love of creativity and love of being loved, and the list goes on. I had to determine whether or not my new foundation would be built of rock on THE rock. That doesn't mean those other things don't exist, but they are the walls and floors and ceilings, not the foundation. Neither does that make me less sinful, but it makes me more aware of my sin. We as God's people spend too much time building and motivating our lives by things that mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme. The only thing that God has said will stand forever is HIS WORD (Matthew 24). Folks, that is Jesus. Read John chapter 1.
Alright, I'll stop preaching! :) I digress...
So at this point, I'm still not sure I have or can sufficiently explain it, but I do know that most survivors of suicide feel this way at some point or another, or all the time even. It really does feel like the world, my world, started over on February 13th, 2010. It will NEVER be the same as it was before that date. It is, unfortunately, the most profound and confounding thing I've ever experienced.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Thursday, July 7, 2011
For This Cause
I have a few thoughts about purpose.
I have drawn my own conclusions from the following verses and I wanted to share some general thoughts and questions based on them with you. Just consider this "food for thought."
John 12:24-28
"Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be; if any man serve me, him will my Father honour. Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour; but for this cause came I unto this hour. Father, glorify thy name."
When I read these verses recently, the phrase "for this cause" caught my attention.
God told Jeremiah "5Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations (Jeremiah 1)." God knew His purpose for Jeremiah BEFORE Jeremiah was conceived. Do you think that God knew specifically what Jeremiah would be asked to do and/or say in his lifetime? Does that not also mean that He knew OUR purpose before we were conceived?
I have talked before about Ephesians 2:10, where God says that our purpose was "before ordained." Do you believe that God designed for you a specific purpose? Consider how specific Jesus' words and actions had to be in order to fulfill all the prophecy concerning His coming, death, and resurrection (many books have been written about this).
Has God called you to something specific in your lifetime? Do you have a sense of what that is? Do you have a vision for what that is? Do you feel that you are in the process of fulfilling it?
I wonder if we take enough time to understand how very specific God is with our lives, rather than just seeing Him as having a general influence.
I have drawn my own conclusions from the following verses and I wanted to share some general thoughts and questions based on them with you. Just consider this "food for thought."
John 12:24-28
"Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be; if any man serve me, him will my Father honour. Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour; but for this cause came I unto this hour. Father, glorify thy name."
When I read these verses recently, the phrase "for this cause" caught my attention.
God told Jeremiah "5Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations (Jeremiah 1)." God knew His purpose for Jeremiah BEFORE Jeremiah was conceived. Do you think that God knew specifically what Jeremiah would be asked to do and/or say in his lifetime? Does that not also mean that He knew OUR purpose before we were conceived?
I have talked before about Ephesians 2:10, where God says that our purpose was "before ordained." Do you believe that God designed for you a specific purpose? Consider how specific Jesus' words and actions had to be in order to fulfill all the prophecy concerning His coming, death, and resurrection (many books have been written about this).
Has God called you to something specific in your lifetime? Do you have a sense of what that is? Do you have a vision for what that is? Do you feel that you are in the process of fulfilling it?
I wonder if we take enough time to understand how very specific God is with our lives, rather than just seeing Him as having a general influence.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Thankful
We are fast approaching Father's Day, and the second one for me without my father. If you are not up to speed on my blog, my father took his own life last year on February 13th, 2010. Of course, the first Father's Day without him was very difficult, it almost seems a blur to me now. However, I am thankful this year that it is not feeling so hard. I don't know what kind of day it will be yet. Often in grief, the severity of emotions you experience is unpredictable. It's common to have a few good days and then to have one that knocks you off your feet. You just learn to walk through it one day at a time, accepting what comes and dealing with it when it arrives.
I am thankful that I have been able to recover from some incredibly deep periods of depression over the last 16 months. More than once I have chosen to look this monster in the eye and say "I don't care how big and ugly you are, you're in my way." I have said it before and I'll say it again. I believe firmly that God has placed me here for a time and a purpose and given me His love and power to walk through the evil that is present in this world. I don't know what reason you have for living, but after losing my father, I had to make some tough decisions about living on this planet. And I'm still here, not because I've had great ability to persevere through this hardship, but because I've continued to turn to a God who has already conquered death and has blessed me with life. I will live, and not die, to declare the works of the Lord (Psalm 118:17).
I am thankful for my father. He was warm, loving, and genuine. He was a giver. He was opinionated, but he listened well when I thought something different, and I thought a lot different. He was proud of his sons for all their accomplishments. He believed in family, and stuck very close to his own. He loved music, and he loved my love for music. He was goofy, and proud of it. He was like his father. "Oh, Herb!!!" my grandmother used to say in a tizzy (Herb was my grandfather). Then "Oh, Bobby!!!" came later, usually after Dad did something crazy or goofy, or just plain obnoxious. I think he liked to be obnoxious for his mother (and probably his two sisters as well)! He was proud of his work and loved to share it with anyone who would listen. (I wish I had listened a little more on that one.) He loved to talk with people about everything. You just had to be careful about those "soap boxes" he'd get on! You'd never hear the end of it. He loved movies. He loved lighthouses. He loved dogs. He loved traveling. He loved morning coffee. He loved cherry flavored candy. He loved cars, especially his corvette. You know, he loved. And I loved him.
I am thankful that I have been able to recover from some incredibly deep periods of depression over the last 16 months. More than once I have chosen to look this monster in the eye and say "I don't care how big and ugly you are, you're in my way." I have said it before and I'll say it again. I believe firmly that God has placed me here for a time and a purpose and given me His love and power to walk through the evil that is present in this world. I don't know what reason you have for living, but after losing my father, I had to make some tough decisions about living on this planet. And I'm still here, not because I've had great ability to persevere through this hardship, but because I've continued to turn to a God who has already conquered death and has blessed me with life. I will live, and not die, to declare the works of the Lord (Psalm 118:17).
I am thankful for my father. He was warm, loving, and genuine. He was a giver. He was opinionated, but he listened well when I thought something different, and I thought a lot different. He was proud of his sons for all their accomplishments. He believed in family, and stuck very close to his own. He loved music, and he loved my love for music. He was goofy, and proud of it. He was like his father. "Oh, Herb!!!" my grandmother used to say in a tizzy (Herb was my grandfather). Then "Oh, Bobby!!!" came later, usually after Dad did something crazy or goofy, or just plain obnoxious. I think he liked to be obnoxious for his mother (and probably his two sisters as well)! He was proud of his work and loved to share it with anyone who would listen. (I wish I had listened a little more on that one.) He loved to talk with people about everything. You just had to be careful about those "soap boxes" he'd get on! You'd never hear the end of it. He loved movies. He loved lighthouses. He loved dogs. He loved traveling. He loved morning coffee. He loved cherry flavored candy. He loved cars, especially his corvette. You know, he loved. And I loved him.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A Few Good Days
Things are looking up recently.
I mean, I have noticed myself viewing my world without fighting to see through a cloud of depression. I may have talked about it before, but grief and depression are different, though sometimes hard to distinguish from each other. I have suffered with both over the last 16 months. What often happens is that grief will come with depression behind it. Depression, like any other illness, can manifest through various symptoms, not necessarily all at the same time. One common symptom is hopelessness. Having lived through such deep grief at this point, I have begun to learn the difference between grief and depression, but it's taken a lot of time and hard work. And it's rarely been as simple as dealing with just one or two emotions. But when you live for a time under a feeling of hopelessness and it lifts, it's rather obvious. At times I've just become used to feeling it and then one day I look up and realize it's not there. Maybe it'll be back tomorrow, but tomorrow is not what I'm living right now, so I'll take today.
So what then is the explanation? Why the ebb and flow? I'm no expert, but I'll tell you at least one answer from my experience. It's simple in concept, yet not so easy in practice. Thought. Our thoughts have a lot to do with our feelings and if you are a Christian, hopefully you understand how important your thoughts are. We are to be guided by good thoughts, persevere against bad thoughts, and even war against thoughts that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. God tells us to bring all of our thoughts to him, asking whatever we need, to cast our cares upon him. He tells us to think on things that are pure. He tells us to take every thought captive and into obedience to Christ. Paul says we have the mind of Christ.
So God wants us to discern our thoughts as well as take action with them. Our mind and thoughts greatly affect our body; the two are connected. If you think fearfully, your body will manifest that feeling physically. I know it's not always so easy to discern, but I believe the mind-body connection is in operation more often than we realize. So when I feel hopeless, I work to think of scriptures that speak of hope and purpose. I often go to Ephesians 2:10:
Sometimes, this is the only thing I can think apart from the weight of hopelessness and depression. And it doesn't always change my feelings instantly. I sure wish it did. But often, dare I say most of the time, we have to wait. So I think of this verse and I say "God, I believe what you are telling me here, and I'm going to put one foot in front of the other in faith that you will release me from the darkness I feel and give me hope for better." And while it may be in the midst of the hardest time of your life, God WILL renew your strength as you WAIT upon him. That is His word to you. We walk by faith and not by sight.
I have been through this process countless times, and again, it sounds easier than it is in practice. It's not an easy, feel-good, happy-Christian fix. It's a get down and dirty with your sin, dig your heels in, resist the devil, and stand firm in your faith kind of thing. And it is imperative, because the thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.
Till next time,
Jeremy
I mean, I have noticed myself viewing my world without fighting to see through a cloud of depression. I may have talked about it before, but grief and depression are different, though sometimes hard to distinguish from each other. I have suffered with both over the last 16 months. What often happens is that grief will come with depression behind it. Depression, like any other illness, can manifest through various symptoms, not necessarily all at the same time. One common symptom is hopelessness. Having lived through such deep grief at this point, I have begun to learn the difference between grief and depression, but it's taken a lot of time and hard work. And it's rarely been as simple as dealing with just one or two emotions. But when you live for a time under a feeling of hopelessness and it lifts, it's rather obvious. At times I've just become used to feeling it and then one day I look up and realize it's not there. Maybe it'll be back tomorrow, but tomorrow is not what I'm living right now, so I'll take today.
So what then is the explanation? Why the ebb and flow? I'm no expert, but I'll tell you at least one answer from my experience. It's simple in concept, yet not so easy in practice. Thought. Our thoughts have a lot to do with our feelings and if you are a Christian, hopefully you understand how important your thoughts are. We are to be guided by good thoughts, persevere against bad thoughts, and even war against thoughts that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. God tells us to bring all of our thoughts to him, asking whatever we need, to cast our cares upon him. He tells us to think on things that are pure. He tells us to take every thought captive and into obedience to Christ. Paul says we have the mind of Christ.
So God wants us to discern our thoughts as well as take action with them. Our mind and thoughts greatly affect our body; the two are connected. If you think fearfully, your body will manifest that feeling physically. I know it's not always so easy to discern, but I believe the mind-body connection is in operation more often than we realize. So when I feel hopeless, I work to think of scriptures that speak of hope and purpose. I often go to Ephesians 2:10:
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."
Sometimes, this is the only thing I can think apart from the weight of hopelessness and depression. And it doesn't always change my feelings instantly. I sure wish it did. But often, dare I say most of the time, we have to wait. So I think of this verse and I say "God, I believe what you are telling me here, and I'm going to put one foot in front of the other in faith that you will release me from the darkness I feel and give me hope for better." And while it may be in the midst of the hardest time of your life, God WILL renew your strength as you WAIT upon him. That is His word to you. We walk by faith and not by sight.
I have been through this process countless times, and again, it sounds easier than it is in practice. It's not an easy, feel-good, happy-Christian fix. It's a get down and dirty with your sin, dig your heels in, resist the devil, and stand firm in your faith kind of thing. And it is imperative, because the thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I'm Still Here...
Well, I'm still here, but "avoidance" is the word of the day (or month, as it may be). My M.O. is generally avoidance when I'm having a hard time with something. And I've been having a hard time with the topic this blog is supposed to be based on. Grief. It is ultimately the reason I'm here (in the blogosphere), and I have wanted only to write about the good things so far, but reality is not always good, nor is it easy. Sometimes it's just ugly, and just plain hard.
I've been inspired lately by my cousin Laura and her blog about weight loss. You can, and should, view it here:
http://weightlossinafastfoodworld.blogspot.com/
Laura and I have a few things in common, including a relatively honest disposition toward life in general. So I've been reading her blog and realizing that I was avoiding mine. So here I am again, but this time my goal is not to provide an "answer" to the dilemma. Sometimes the answer has yet to be found, and you must continue taking steps forward until you pass through the thing that's holding you back.
Grief is a monster. Grief is not simple. It is complex and difficult to understand, and harder to live. I don't know what grief you've been through in life, but for those dealing with losing someone to suicide, it all seems much more complex. The time it takes to walk through this, though I'm not sure when or if "through" actually happens, can vary from a couple of years to a couple of decades for some. I have met people who are functioning relatively well only a few months after the loss, and I've met some who are 3 or 4 years out and still struggling deeply with crippling depression and anxiety. I've just learned that you can't judge how a person goes through the grief process because you don't really know all of the factors involved. For instance, grieving my father's death has included almost every issue of loss I've ever dealt with in life at some time or another. On any given day, I may not feel much about my dad, but I may be again grieving my parents' divorce, or any number of other losses I've experienced.
So don't underestimate what someone might be going through in grief. And never tell them that they just need to "get over it and move on." That will immediately alienate them from you. Grief is a very personal process and you probably run into people that are dealing with grief all the time. No, we don't want to be defined by our grief, but sometimes we are all too aware of the need to function in a "normal" world while still being hammered by the myriad of emotions grief can bring.
Till next time,
Jeremy
I've been inspired lately by my cousin Laura and her blog about weight loss. You can, and should, view it here:
http://weightlossinafastfoodworld.blogspot.com/
Laura and I have a few things in common, including a relatively honest disposition toward life in general. So I've been reading her blog and realizing that I was avoiding mine. So here I am again, but this time my goal is not to provide an "answer" to the dilemma. Sometimes the answer has yet to be found, and you must continue taking steps forward until you pass through the thing that's holding you back.
Grief is a monster. Grief is not simple. It is complex and difficult to understand, and harder to live. I don't know what grief you've been through in life, but for those dealing with losing someone to suicide, it all seems much more complex. The time it takes to walk through this, though I'm not sure when or if "through" actually happens, can vary from a couple of years to a couple of decades for some. I have met people who are functioning relatively well only a few months after the loss, and I've met some who are 3 or 4 years out and still struggling deeply with crippling depression and anxiety. I've just learned that you can't judge how a person goes through the grief process because you don't really know all of the factors involved. For instance, grieving my father's death has included almost every issue of loss I've ever dealt with in life at some time or another. On any given day, I may not feel much about my dad, but I may be again grieving my parents' divorce, or any number of other losses I've experienced.
So don't underestimate what someone might be going through in grief. And never tell them that they just need to "get over it and move on." That will immediately alienate them from you. Grief is a very personal process and you probably run into people that are dealing with grief all the time. No, we don't want to be defined by our grief, but sometimes we are all too aware of the need to function in a "normal" world while still being hammered by the myriad of emotions grief can bring.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Friday, April 15, 2011
Radical Reality
If you have not heard John Mark McMillan's "How He Loves," go listen to it now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0luHiWwi08
I have to write about this song. I have experienced it in worship services 3 times now (and listened to it a hundred more), and every time I hear it, it transports me to another place (figuratively speaking). It touches me, or the Lord touches me through it, in a very deep place where the scars of my life have only regenerated in the strength, hope and love of Jesus Christ. If you know this song, then you have probably heard the story behind it, which may or may not make it more real for you. I have not heard the story, and wanted to write my thoughts about it before I do.
The first time I really encountered this song was listening to John Mark McMillan's (from here on, JMM) original studio recording (referenced above). It floored me, and has continued to draw me as close to Jesus as I've ever been. I could get lost in this song for easily twice or three times its length.
There is obviously a very raw emotional place from which this song originated. You only need to hear JMM sing it once to know that. The metaphoric language that JMM uses to describe God's love is absolutely "over-the-top" and absolutely "spot-on." This song is about letting in this radical reality of God's love for us.
Verse 1
"He is jealous for me."
So simple, but a departure from the more often heard negative connotation of God's jealousy wherein He is jealous because you are bad. No, He is jealous because He wants you back.
"Loves like a hurricane,"
What?! This line has to make you do a double take. Really, John? You think God's love for us is violent and messy, destructive even?... Yes, I think that's what he means. God's love is powerful beyond your ability to comprehend it, and no, you can't handle it. Can a tree handle a hurricane? Does this statement take God out of your "box?" It should. It obliterates my box.
"I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy."
So, this violent love of God is heavy and forceful? I thought I was supposed to feel happy, light and cheery. I thought God's love was nice. Oh, that's right John, thanks for reminding me: I am utterly helpless without His mercy, aren't I? His love is wrecking me, and I can't bear the weight of it.
"When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory."
This line speaks about the reality of God's presence. Jesus is not just an idea. He is a person. His tangible presence (through the Holy Spirit) will change the way you perceive everything. If you have ever experienced His presence, then you know exactly what this line is talking about. This moment of "eclipse" that JMM references is one of the reasons I love worship. It's where I know everything is going to be okay.
"And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me."
I realize. Reality becomes clear. And here's a place where I don't mind the use of the word "beautiful," as overused as it is these days. I don't mind because JMM is saying that the presence of this God whose love is so violent toward us is really the ultimate place of peace and safety. And I love (excuse the overused term), love the word "affection." Do you view God, the supreme creator of the universe, to be affectionate toward you? Now we're talking about getting into your "personal space." Are you comfortable letting God there? Many of us have been hurt such that we've closed ourselves off to allowing other people to be affectionate with us. I think in some ways we are losing the normalcy of affection toward each other in our culture. But when God removes fear and replaces it with His love, affection is only natural.
Well, I've written this much while taking a break or two to sob over it. Hopefully, I can finish writing about the rest soon.
To be continued...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0luHiWwi08
I have to write about this song. I have experienced it in worship services 3 times now (and listened to it a hundred more), and every time I hear it, it transports me to another place (figuratively speaking). It touches me, or the Lord touches me through it, in a very deep place where the scars of my life have only regenerated in the strength, hope and love of Jesus Christ. If you know this song, then you have probably heard the story behind it, which may or may not make it more real for you. I have not heard the story, and wanted to write my thoughts about it before I do.
The first time I really encountered this song was listening to John Mark McMillan's (from here on, JMM) original studio recording (referenced above). It floored me, and has continued to draw me as close to Jesus as I've ever been. I could get lost in this song for easily twice or three times its length.
There is obviously a very raw emotional place from which this song originated. You only need to hear JMM sing it once to know that. The metaphoric language that JMM uses to describe God's love is absolutely "over-the-top" and absolutely "spot-on." This song is about letting in this radical reality of God's love for us.
Verse 1
"He is jealous for me."
So simple, but a departure from the more often heard negative connotation of God's jealousy wherein He is jealous because you are bad. No, He is jealous because He wants you back.
"Loves like a hurricane,"
What?! This line has to make you do a double take. Really, John? You think God's love for us is violent and messy, destructive even?... Yes, I think that's what he means. God's love is powerful beyond your ability to comprehend it, and no, you can't handle it. Can a tree handle a hurricane? Does this statement take God out of your "box?" It should. It obliterates my box.
"I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy."
So, this violent love of God is heavy and forceful? I thought I was supposed to feel happy, light and cheery. I thought God's love was nice. Oh, that's right John, thanks for reminding me: I am utterly helpless without His mercy, aren't I? His love is wrecking me, and I can't bear the weight of it.
"When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory."
This line speaks about the reality of God's presence. Jesus is not just an idea. He is a person. His tangible presence (through the Holy Spirit) will change the way you perceive everything. If you have ever experienced His presence, then you know exactly what this line is talking about. This moment of "eclipse" that JMM references is one of the reasons I love worship. It's where I know everything is going to be okay.
"And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me."
I realize. Reality becomes clear. And here's a place where I don't mind the use of the word "beautiful," as overused as it is these days. I don't mind because JMM is saying that the presence of this God whose love is so violent toward us is really the ultimate place of peace and safety. And I love (excuse the overused term), love the word "affection." Do you view God, the supreme creator of the universe, to be affectionate toward you? Now we're talking about getting into your "personal space." Are you comfortable letting God there? Many of us have been hurt such that we've closed ourselves off to allowing other people to be affectionate with us. I think in some ways we are losing the normalcy of affection toward each other in our culture. But when God removes fear and replaces it with His love, affection is only natural.
Well, I've written this much while taking a break or two to sob over it. Hopefully, I can finish writing about the rest soon.
To be continued...
Monday, April 4, 2011
Hard Truth
Okay, I've been putting this one off. Truth is, it's one of the hardest.
Did you know that God requires us forgive others? Yes, requires. The return on our forgiveness of others is His forgiveness of us. I didn't make that up. It's in Matthew 6:15, which says "but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." What does that mean? Well, I'm still working on it, but my current understanding is that it means God will not allow you to be ruled by bitterness and by Jesus (forgiveness) at the same time. You must choose which kingdom you want to establish. Before I explain more, let me take a couple of steps back.
Last time, I wrote about anger. I've been angry at my dad for many reasons. And angry at a lot of other things as well. While I've been angry, the Holy Spirit has continued to remind me that it is imperative that I forgive. Of course, I keep asking "why?" (sigh) I realize entire volumes have been written on the subject of forgiveness, but I just want to share a little bit about what God is trying to teach me right now (again!).
Anger is generally not content to stay anger. Hatred and violence come right along side it and look for ways to be expressed. Yelling, cursing, saying slanderous things, gossip, being short tempered: those can all be ways that violence will manifest with anger behind it. (Violence doesn't have to just be physical.) James tells us that "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God (James 1:20)." What grabbed me about that scripture was the indication that anger wants to produce something. It wants to "take somebody out." And whatever method we allow it, it will take.
On the flip-side, God wants to produce something through forgiveness, His kingdom. John 3:17 says "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." Jesus showed us the heart of the Father through forgiveness. The ultimate expression of that forgiveness is in Luke 23:34 when Jesus, on the cross, says "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Has it ever occurred to you that those who have hurt you didn't know what they were doing? I know how hard that is to swallow, and I'm not sure I understand it completely myself, but I think it's something we ought to consider in dealing with the need to forgive.
Hebrews 12:15 says "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." I want to zero in on the word "defiled." Have you ever been the brunt of someone's anger? Have you experienced an unclean feeling that comes when someone is violent toward you? That's defilement. Bitterness is defiling. It robs everyone around it of the cleanliness of God's righteousness. Also note the word "root." Bitterness can begin as simple unforgiveness, but when you pile on hurt and anger, hatred, violence, and resentment, you can end up with a deeply embedded root of bitterness under all of it. And it takes a good bit of work to dig up that root. That's why it's so important for us to forgive, as Jesus said, 70x7 (Matthew 18:22). In other words, without limit. Because forgiveness is what the Father has done for us through Jesus Christ and it is foundational to His kingdom. So guess who's kingdom we're establishing in our bitterness and unforgiveness?
I know it's not easy, and God knows it's not easy. You think Jesus had an easy time forgiving all the rejection of the church leaders in his day and the abandonment of his own followers at the cross? There is power in what the world views as weakness. Let's challenge ourselves to grab hold of that power through our obedience to His heart, because He loves us, oh, how He loves us.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Did you know that God requires us forgive others? Yes, requires. The return on our forgiveness of others is His forgiveness of us. I didn't make that up. It's in Matthew 6:15, which says "but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." What does that mean? Well, I'm still working on it, but my current understanding is that it means God will not allow you to be ruled by bitterness and by Jesus (forgiveness) at the same time. You must choose which kingdom you want to establish. Before I explain more, let me take a couple of steps back.
Last time, I wrote about anger. I've been angry at my dad for many reasons. And angry at a lot of other things as well. While I've been angry, the Holy Spirit has continued to remind me that it is imperative that I forgive. Of course, I keep asking "why?" (sigh) I realize entire volumes have been written on the subject of forgiveness, but I just want to share a little bit about what God is trying to teach me right now (again!).
Anger is generally not content to stay anger. Hatred and violence come right along side it and look for ways to be expressed. Yelling, cursing, saying slanderous things, gossip, being short tempered: those can all be ways that violence will manifest with anger behind it. (Violence doesn't have to just be physical.) James tells us that "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God (James 1:20)." What grabbed me about that scripture was the indication that anger wants to produce something. It wants to "take somebody out." And whatever method we allow it, it will take.
On the flip-side, God wants to produce something through forgiveness, His kingdom. John 3:17 says "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." Jesus showed us the heart of the Father through forgiveness. The ultimate expression of that forgiveness is in Luke 23:34 when Jesus, on the cross, says "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Has it ever occurred to you that those who have hurt you didn't know what they were doing? I know how hard that is to swallow, and I'm not sure I understand it completely myself, but I think it's something we ought to consider in dealing with the need to forgive.
Hebrews 12:15 says "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." I want to zero in on the word "defiled." Have you ever been the brunt of someone's anger? Have you experienced an unclean feeling that comes when someone is violent toward you? That's defilement. Bitterness is defiling. It robs everyone around it of the cleanliness of God's righteousness. Also note the word "root." Bitterness can begin as simple unforgiveness, but when you pile on hurt and anger, hatred, violence, and resentment, you can end up with a deeply embedded root of bitterness under all of it. And it takes a good bit of work to dig up that root. That's why it's so important for us to forgive, as Jesus said, 70x7 (Matthew 18:22). In other words, without limit. Because forgiveness is what the Father has done for us through Jesus Christ and it is foundational to His kingdom. So guess who's kingdom we're establishing in our bitterness and unforgiveness?
I know it's not easy, and God knows it's not easy. You think Jesus had an easy time forgiving all the rejection of the church leaders in his day and the abandonment of his own followers at the cross? There is power in what the world views as weakness. Let's challenge ourselves to grab hold of that power through our obedience to His heart, because He loves us, oh, how He loves us.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Anger & Pain
I've been experiencing a lot of anger toward my father lately for leaving me. It seems to be the default emotion when I think about him, at least it has been for a while now. I was talking with a friend online the other day and she suggested that maybe the anger was easier than feeling the pain. I've been reflecting on that profound statement ever since. And I agree.
It's easier for me to be angry at my father than to feel the wealth of painful emotions that have come since losing him to suicide. The thing is that I hate feeling weak. Don't we all? (It's probably a control issue.) Opening myself up to feel the pain of his abandonment makes me feel weak. I think it also scares me, even 13 months after the fact.
I was talking to my wife about this and she pointed out that anger tends to be an acceptable emotion for men in our society. Other negative emotional states are generally frowned upon. Crying is sometimes viewed as a sign of weakness. Men don't usually say "my feelings are hurt." We mostly grow up learning to be angry partly because we're not judged in our masculinity for that. The problem, of course, is that the other emotions are still there. Our ability to deal with them as men has a lot to do with being willing to feel them.
Honestly, I'm struggling right now. I don't want to feel what's really there. It hurts too badly sometimes. I want to move forward with my life and I'm angry at dad for slowing it all down. But the reality is he did what he did. He left. I have to accept that. And believe me, I have, many times. Some things we just have to work to accept everyday.
So what do you think? Have you found anger to be a cover-up for pain? Is it easier to hold on to anger than release pain? Do you find a sense of control in being angry sometimes that wouldn't be present if you let it go? Really, comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Till next time,
Jeremy
It's easier for me to be angry at my father than to feel the wealth of painful emotions that have come since losing him to suicide. The thing is that I hate feeling weak. Don't we all? (It's probably a control issue.) Opening myself up to feel the pain of his abandonment makes me feel weak. I think it also scares me, even 13 months after the fact.
I was talking to my wife about this and she pointed out that anger tends to be an acceptable emotion for men in our society. Other negative emotional states are generally frowned upon. Crying is sometimes viewed as a sign of weakness. Men don't usually say "my feelings are hurt." We mostly grow up learning to be angry partly because we're not judged in our masculinity for that. The problem, of course, is that the other emotions are still there. Our ability to deal with them as men has a lot to do with being willing to feel them.
Honestly, I'm struggling right now. I don't want to feel what's really there. It hurts too badly sometimes. I want to move forward with my life and I'm angry at dad for slowing it all down. But the reality is he did what he did. He left. I have to accept that. And believe me, I have, many times. Some things we just have to work to accept everyday.
So what do you think? Have you found anger to be a cover-up for pain? Is it easier to hold on to anger than release pain? Do you find a sense of control in being angry sometimes that wouldn't be present if you let it go? Really, comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Loneliness & Grief
Loneliness can be one of the most difficult parts of grief. Loneliness is typically related to feeling that others in our life are not present in some way to understand or care for us. It often indicates that we are not practicing awareness of the presence of God. But even when we do know He's there, it can still be difficult.
During times of extreme loneliness, I have sometimes been aware that God was present with me, but it didn't immediately change my feelings. The purpose of recognizing God's presence in our loneliness is to choose faith over fear. We fear that we are truly alone. We fear that no one will understand us or our situation. We fear that we will not see the end of our loneliness. But ultimately, fear is not from God, faith is. Faith is the certainty that the truth we know is the truth we will feel. It may not be here yet, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30). I heard a worship leader say once "morning isn't what has an AM next to it, it's what happens when you wake up!" I could go with that. We must hold on to God's promise that something better will come because hopelessness is a formidable enemy.
This past Sunday's sermon was based on Romans 5 where Paul explains that our endurance in life eventually leads to hope and that hope does not disappoint. However, hopelessness will disappoint. The hope Paul is talking about is a specific hope, a hope in "the glory of God," through Jesus Christ. And it is God who provides the hope by the pouring out of His love through the Holy Spirit (verse 5). It is the gospel. That's why the antidote for our loneliness isn't in other people but rather in our God.
Sometimes people are going to leave us hanging and they won't understand. But our trust is not ultimately in them. Our trust is in the Lord. He is the reason for our hope and the reason we can rise above the desperate loneliness of our grief. In fact, Paul says in verse 3 that we should "rejoice in our sufferings." That makes me think "Really, God? Are you serious?!" God never promised an easy road, nor did he call us to one. But He has provided His presence and His hope through the Holy Spirit. Seek that in the midst of loneliness, and you will find that hopelessness has no place.
Till next time,
Jeremy
During times of extreme loneliness, I have sometimes been aware that God was present with me, but it didn't immediately change my feelings. The purpose of recognizing God's presence in our loneliness is to choose faith over fear. We fear that we are truly alone. We fear that no one will understand us or our situation. We fear that we will not see the end of our loneliness. But ultimately, fear is not from God, faith is. Faith is the certainty that the truth we know is the truth we will feel. It may not be here yet, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30). I heard a worship leader say once "morning isn't what has an AM next to it, it's what happens when you wake up!" I could go with that. We must hold on to God's promise that something better will come because hopelessness is a formidable enemy.
This past Sunday's sermon was based on Romans 5 where Paul explains that our endurance in life eventually leads to hope and that hope does not disappoint. However, hopelessness will disappoint. The hope Paul is talking about is a specific hope, a hope in "the glory of God," through Jesus Christ. And it is God who provides the hope by the pouring out of His love through the Holy Spirit (verse 5). It is the gospel. That's why the antidote for our loneliness isn't in other people but rather in our God.
Sometimes people are going to leave us hanging and they won't understand. But our trust is not ultimately in them. Our trust is in the Lord. He is the reason for our hope and the reason we can rise above the desperate loneliness of our grief. In fact, Paul says in verse 3 that we should "rejoice in our sufferings." That makes me think "Really, God? Are you serious?!" God never promised an easy road, nor did he call us to one. But He has provided His presence and His hope through the Holy Spirit. Seek that in the midst of loneliness, and you will find that hopelessness has no place.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Friday, March 4, 2011
Where You Go I Go: Part 2
John 5:30 (KJV)
“30I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.”
The whole of Jesus’ ministry was relational. He only did that which he saw the Father doing and only through the power of the Holy Spirit did he achieve the work the Father sent him to do.
God has, from the beginning, established relationship with His people. Satan and his kingdom are constantly seeking to divide those relationships that God has ordained. If, in ministry, we believe that we alone are responsible for accomplishing the work of the Father, we err. We not only have relationship with the Father and the Holy Spirit, as Jesus did, but we have relationship with one another. Fear and doubt are tools of the enemy to break down the trust of those relationships. We have been given great authority to minister in the name of Jesus, but we must follow his example in understanding that we can do nothing of ourselves.
God is always present with us. Ignoring, or not recognizing this is often a result of our own pride, which is also a tool of our enemy Satan, who desired to exalt himself above the stars of God and be like the Most High (Isaiah 14). Pride will be opposed by God (James 4). Ungodly pride has no place in ministry. We must follow Jesus’ example in ministry if we are to see the work of the Father accomplished through us.
Joshua 1:9 (KJV)
“9Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Where You Go I Go: Part 1
John 5:30 (KJV)
“30I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.”
We all, as believers, have a ministry. Knowing exactly what that ministry is and what it should look like is the challenge, but we have a model in Jesus Christ. It's interesting to note that Jesus continually gives credit to the Father for his words and actions. The above scripture is just one example. He went where the Father led him. He said what he heard the Father say. He did what he saw the Father do. And he did it all in the power of the Holy Spirit.
A song I recently heard by Jesus Culture uses these thoughts for the lyrics:
Where You Go I Go
Where you go I go
What you say I say
What you pray I pray
Jesus only did, What he saw you do
He would only say, What he heard you speak
He would only move, When he felt you lead
Following your heart, Following your spirit
How could I expect to walk without you
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I would not begin to live without you
For you alone are worthy you are always good
YouTube Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2U3PU-E32E&feature=related
I believe these lyrics are incredibly relevant for us today. We are only going to be effective for God's kingdom when we are following the King's leading. Jesus could not be everywhere and do everything, but His ministry on this earth was 100% complete. It was exactly what the Father sent him to do, without mistake. That is remarkable commitment and extraordinary sensitivity to the Spirit. We must follow this example.
Till next time,
Jeremy
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Stop Striving!
Are we striving to be somebody we're not so that others will approve?
Are we seeking to look better on the outside than we truly are on the inside?
That's an exhausting process. Our culture often tells us that we can't really be ourselves. We must be "friendly" and "professional" and "reasonable." But truth is, sometimes we're not. For some of us, we're okay with that, we just express it. For others, we can't stand the thought that someone would disapprove, so we try even harder to cover up what's really there. Is that always a bad thing? Certainly not. Common sense would dictate that there's a time and a place for everything. But when we spend years trying to shove everything that we are, that we think, that we feel, inside without expressing it, it becomes a prison.
During the grieving process in the past year, I've come to understand that a lot of my personality has been tucked away inside where nobody can really find it, not even myself at times. Growing up, I often felt trapped and alone. The abandonment of my father's suicide brought up a lot of that stuff again. Part of my defense was to hide within myself, so that no one could really see the authentic me. I'd just be whoever you wanted me to be, say whatever you wanted me to say. Maybe I figured people couldn't really reject me if I wasn't there to begin with. But the other side to that coin was that I was rejecting myself by not allowing authentic expression. It was a lose-lose situation.
When I began writing about my grief, I discovered that it wouldn't kill me to be completely open with God and myself. I wasn't so put together as I thought, and that was really okay. The more I accepted the depth of my own feelings and brokenness, the more I found release in admitting them to God and myself (and sometimes others). I also learned (again) that God accepts us right where we're at. If we are in denial about our own sin, His hands are tied. We must first recognize and take responsibility if God is going to move us toward healing. You know, He really is big enough to handle ALL of our mess!
I believe my self-expression is becoming more and more authentic. It's still not all that easy, but then there's a lifetime of habit to overcome, so I accept that it'll take time. The truth that is making me free in this area is that God will always accept me, even when others reject me. And between He and I, we're doing just fine. :)
Till next time,
Jeremy
Are we seeking to look better on the outside than we truly are on the inside?
That's an exhausting process. Our culture often tells us that we can't really be ourselves. We must be "friendly" and "professional" and "reasonable." But truth is, sometimes we're not. For some of us, we're okay with that, we just express it. For others, we can't stand the thought that someone would disapprove, so we try even harder to cover up what's really there. Is that always a bad thing? Certainly not. Common sense would dictate that there's a time and a place for everything. But when we spend years trying to shove everything that we are, that we think, that we feel, inside without expressing it, it becomes a prison.
During the grieving process in the past year, I've come to understand that a lot of my personality has been tucked away inside where nobody can really find it, not even myself at times. Growing up, I often felt trapped and alone. The abandonment of my father's suicide brought up a lot of that stuff again. Part of my defense was to hide within myself, so that no one could really see the authentic me. I'd just be whoever you wanted me to be, say whatever you wanted me to say. Maybe I figured people couldn't really reject me if I wasn't there to begin with. But the other side to that coin was that I was rejecting myself by not allowing authentic expression. It was a lose-lose situation.
When I began writing about my grief, I discovered that it wouldn't kill me to be completely open with God and myself. I wasn't so put together as I thought, and that was really okay. The more I accepted the depth of my own feelings and brokenness, the more I found release in admitting them to God and myself (and sometimes others). I also learned (again) that God accepts us right where we're at. If we are in denial about our own sin, His hands are tied. We must first recognize and take responsibility if God is going to move us toward healing. You know, He really is big enough to handle ALL of our mess!
I believe my self-expression is becoming more and more authentic. It's still not all that easy, but then there's a lifetime of habit to overcome, so I accept that it'll take time. The truth that is making me free in this area is that God will always accept me, even when others reject me. And between He and I, we're doing just fine. :)
Till next time,
Jeremy
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I'm the one...
Luke 4:18 (ESV):
16 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. 17And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,
18 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor."
Jesus' ministry on the earth was a complete picture of what God has been doing and has wanted to do with His people for all of history. Our problem is often that we don't see the need for the completeness of Jesus' ministry in our own lives. We exclude ourselves from thinking we are weak and in need. As I read this passage recently, I was struck by the thought that I'm the one who is poor in spirit, lacking in the knowledge of God. I'm the one who is held captive, bound by my sin. I'm the one who is blind, and cannot perceive the truth right in front of me. I'm the one who is oppressed by my enemy and in need of God's favor for my life.
My father's suicide broke my heart more deeply than I can express in words. But then I realized that my heart had been broken before by other circumstances of life. I desperately needed, and still do, the touch of Jesus to bind up my broken heart. I want to say to you, whether you believe in Him or not, that the healing of your broken heart will not come by intellectual understanding. It will not come through counseling. It will not come from meditation, or even modern medicine. It will only truly come when the living Jesus touches you in a supernatural way that no other god is capable of. Come away from the gods you follow and see that Jesus is the one true God, that His power is likened to no other.
Isaiah 61:1-4 (ESV)
1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
3to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.
4 They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.
16 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. 17And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,
18 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor."
Jesus' ministry on the earth was a complete picture of what God has been doing and has wanted to do with His people for all of history. Our problem is often that we don't see the need for the completeness of Jesus' ministry in our own lives. We exclude ourselves from thinking we are weak and in need. As I read this passage recently, I was struck by the thought that I'm the one who is poor in spirit, lacking in the knowledge of God. I'm the one who is held captive, bound by my sin. I'm the one who is blind, and cannot perceive the truth right in front of me. I'm the one who is oppressed by my enemy and in need of God's favor for my life.
My father's suicide broke my heart more deeply than I can express in words. But then I realized that my heart had been broken before by other circumstances of life. I desperately needed, and still do, the touch of Jesus to bind up my broken heart. I want to say to you, whether you believe in Him or not, that the healing of your broken heart will not come by intellectual understanding. It will not come through counseling. It will not come from meditation, or even modern medicine. It will only truly come when the living Jesus touches you in a supernatural way that no other god is capable of. Come away from the gods you follow and see that Jesus is the one true God, that His power is likened to no other.
Isaiah 61:1-4 (ESV)
1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
3to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.
4 They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Let God Be True
Romans 3 (NIV):
1 What advantage, then, is there in being a Jew, or what value is there in circumcision? 2 Much in every way! First of all, the Jews have been entrusted with the very words of God. 3 What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God's faithfulness? 4 Not at all! Let God be true, and every human being a liar. As it is written: "So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge."
I recently heard from someone that they grew up in the church and subsequently left on account of "Christians" in the church doing un-Christian things. I've heard this before as a reason some give for staying away from the church. Those of us who have been entrusted with the Word of God do have a responsibility to uphold it, as Paul says later in this chapter. But when we don't measure up to the law of God, it does not mean that God is no longer faithful, or that He has failed. In fact, Paul argues that His judgment of sin is always just. So yes, it is sad that one would feel the need to leave the church on account of the unrighteous acts of the people there, but does that justify judging God to be unfaithful? No, ultimately it does not. Is God unfaithful to me because of the people who have hurt me? No. Paul says here let God be true and every man a liar. That is, God's truth and faithfulness is not determined by man's faithlessness.
God has asked His church to represent him in the earth. We must be aware of that. But we must also ask ourselves "am I putting my faith in the God of the bible, or am I putting my faith in the imperfection of his followers?" When others around us fail in establishing the perfection and love of God's kingdom, we must be willing to say "Let God be true, and every man a liar."
Till next time,
Jeremy
1 What advantage, then, is there in being a Jew, or what value is there in circumcision? 2 Much in every way! First of all, the Jews have been entrusted with the very words of God. 3 What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God's faithfulness? 4 Not at all! Let God be true, and every human being a liar. As it is written: "So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge."
I recently heard from someone that they grew up in the church and subsequently left on account of "Christians" in the church doing un-Christian things. I've heard this before as a reason some give for staying away from the church. Those of us who have been entrusted with the Word of God do have a responsibility to uphold it, as Paul says later in this chapter. But when we don't measure up to the law of God, it does not mean that God is no longer faithful, or that He has failed. In fact, Paul argues that His judgment of sin is always just. So yes, it is sad that one would feel the need to leave the church on account of the unrighteous acts of the people there, but does that justify judging God to be unfaithful? No, ultimately it does not. Is God unfaithful to me because of the people who have hurt me? No. Paul says here let God be true and every man a liar. That is, God's truth and faithfulness is not determined by man's faithlessness.
God has asked His church to represent him in the earth. We must be aware of that. But we must also ask ourselves "am I putting my faith in the God of the bible, or am I putting my faith in the imperfection of his followers?" When others around us fail in establishing the perfection and love of God's kingdom, we must be willing to say "Let God be true, and every man a liar."
Till next time,
Jeremy
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Compelled, Called, Moved?
Actually, I feel compelled to do more than comment. I have never had interest in blogging until very recently. Now, I feel the need to write all the time, so I'm jumping in. Here's the story:
I lost my father about a year ago (2/13/10) to suicide. I have been on the roller coaster of grief ever since. It's unpredictable. You just never know when you'll be sad, happy, angry, lost, anxious, confused, or exhausted by all of it. I've battled heavily with depression as well. It seems to come in phases, one of which began last October (2010) as I approached the 8 month anniversary of my father's death. A seemingly insignificant number, but for some reason, it hit me hard. I began to journal almost daily to deal with the deep grief I was experiencing. Over the next four months, I wrote about almost every issue of my life. I didn't expect to write for that long. I'm not one to journal regularly. I write song lyrics, the occasional poem, but not page after page of processing deep struggle. I am a thinker, but again, I've never really been interested in writing it down.
Now, I feel compelled to write, to talk, to share. I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ and it is His truth that has led me to this place. It is His truth that has given me reason and purpose for living. If you are reading this, then you are the reason I'm writing. I just can't seem to get away from the urge to share the truth of the gospel and my passion for the truth of God's Word. He has changed me. I want you to know that he can change you, too.
Till next time,
Jeremy
I lost my father about a year ago (2/13/10) to suicide. I have been on the roller coaster of grief ever since. It's unpredictable. You just never know when you'll be sad, happy, angry, lost, anxious, confused, or exhausted by all of it. I've battled heavily with depression as well. It seems to come in phases, one of which began last October (2010) as I approached the 8 month anniversary of my father's death. A seemingly insignificant number, but for some reason, it hit me hard. I began to journal almost daily to deal with the deep grief I was experiencing. Over the next four months, I wrote about almost every issue of my life. I didn't expect to write for that long. I'm not one to journal regularly. I write song lyrics, the occasional poem, but not page after page of processing deep struggle. I am a thinker, but again, I've never really been interested in writing it down.
Now, I feel compelled to write, to talk, to share. I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ and it is His truth that has led me to this place. It is His truth that has given me reason and purpose for living. If you are reading this, then you are the reason I'm writing. I just can't seem to get away from the urge to share the truth of the gospel and my passion for the truth of God's Word. He has changed me. I want you to know that he can change you, too.
Till next time,
Jeremy
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