I mean, I have noticed myself viewing my world without fighting to see through a cloud of depression. I may have talked about it before, but grief and depression are different, though sometimes hard to distinguish from each other. I have suffered with both over the last 16 months. What often happens is that grief will come with depression behind it. Depression, like any other illness, can manifest through various symptoms, not necessarily all at the same time. One common symptom is hopelessness. Having lived through such deep grief at this point, I have begun to learn the difference between grief and depression, but it's taken a lot of time and hard work. And it's rarely been as simple as dealing with just one or two emotions. But when you live for a time under a feeling of hopelessness and it lifts, it's rather obvious. At times I've just become used to feeling it and then one day I look up and realize it's not there. Maybe it'll be back tomorrow, but tomorrow is not what I'm living right now, so I'll take today.
So what then is the explanation? Why the ebb and flow? I'm no expert, but I'll tell you at least one answer from my experience. It's simple in concept, yet not so easy in practice. Thought. Our thoughts have a lot to do with our feelings and if you are a Christian, hopefully you understand how important your thoughts are. We are to be guided by good thoughts, persevere against bad thoughts, and even war against thoughts that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. God tells us to bring all of our thoughts to him, asking whatever we need, to cast our cares upon him. He tells us to think on things that are pure. He tells us to take every thought captive and into obedience to Christ. Paul says we have the mind of Christ.
So God wants us to discern our thoughts as well as take action with them. Our mind and thoughts greatly affect our body; the two are connected. If you think fearfully, your body will manifest that feeling physically. I know it's not always so easy to discern, but I believe the mind-body connection is in operation more often than we realize. So when I feel hopeless, I work to think of scriptures that speak of hope and purpose. I often go to Ephesians 2:10:
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."
Sometimes, this is the only thing I can think apart from the weight of hopelessness and depression. And it doesn't always change my feelings instantly. I sure wish it did. But often, dare I say most of the time, we have to wait. So I think of this verse and I say "God, I believe what you are telling me here, and I'm going to put one foot in front of the other in faith that you will release me from the darkness I feel and give me hope for better." And while it may be in the midst of the hardest time of your life, God WILL renew your strength as you WAIT upon him. That is His word to you. We walk by faith and not by sight.
I have been through this process countless times, and again, it sounds easier than it is in practice. It's not an easy, feel-good, happy-Christian fix. It's a get down and dirty with your sin, dig your heels in, resist the devil, and stand firm in your faith kind of thing. And it is imperative, because the thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.
Till next time,
Jeremy
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