I am about to begin a new chapter in my life. A year ago, I was barely treading water in a sea of depression and grief, living day to day, hour to hour, often wrestling with anger, angst, and fear of the future. It is amazing to me where I am today. I have hope and purpose. I not only believe that intellectually, but I feel it too. I feel good. I haven't felt "good" in a long time. I have been wrestling with God to get peace over my own life ever since my father died. As I turn the corner onto this new road He's sent me traveling, I have a sense of peace, a sense of readiness for the next thing in my life, and for what God will do in time. If you've been through any intense grief, you probably know what it's like to have no sense of the future, no sense of hope, the weight of deep sorrow and regret for everything bad that's happened wrapped around you all the time. It consumes your thoughts, your feelings; it drains your energy physically and emotionally.
Sometimes we question our faith. My faith generally remained sure. I believed God would be God whether I liked it or not. I was mad at Him, very very mad. But I have worked through that multiple times with Him and He still loves me. Regardless of what I felt, I didn't change my mind about what I thought. Yes, I wrestled with the questions of why and how and for what, but that didn't change how I ultimately viewed God. The reason it didn't change my view is because my view is based on His Word. I know that's becoming less and less popular in our culture, to believe the Bible, but if you actually read the thing, you'll find some incredibly striking claims about God, like the idea that THE Word (divine) became flesh (human) (John 1). Hey, you might even realize who God is and how much He loves you.
The bible says a lot about how God feels toward us. But it's also clear that He is not ruled by His feelings. Jesus said His Word will stand forever. I believe His feelings are based on His thoughts. So are yours. Post-modern society tells us that feelings determine truth. They don't. Feelings can be sin just as much as thoughts can be. Truth determines feelings. That's how God decided it would be. So much so that He said heaven and earth would pass away, but that His Word would stand forever (that's eternity!). So while us ridiculous Christians are putting our faith in something that's concrete, something that doesn't change, the rest of the world is laughing at us and calling us foolish because of it.
I say all that because I was thinking today that I have to give God credit for bringing me through the past year and a half, for restoring me to hope and goodness. It's Jesus, the living Word of God, that has been the source of the truth that has changed my feelings about life. I realize that some people, probably many, will think that's utterly ridiculous, but I won't give another explanation for it. Jesus is it. He is the only reason we exist. He is the source of all life and peace.
Till next time,
Jeremy
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