Reaching for Reality

Hi again. It's been a while because I've been in the busiest period of my life since my final semester of college. Of course that was only a year and a half ago, but it seems longer. At any rate, I think there's just a bunch of random thoughts that I'd like to share with you today.

I have noticed over time that when grief pops back up, it almost seems foreign because I've somewhat just ignored it over time. Don't get me wrong, I've certainly moved forward in a lot if ways, but there is an awe, if you will, over this kind of loss that doesn't seem to change. And at times, I almost feel that I need to stop and mourn for a few minutes on my own. This has certainly been the testimony of many people I know that have been through it. The impact of the event is just too deep. It changes you at the core. And while it has solidified my idea of me, it also makes me question who I really am. Am I the sum total of my experiences? Or was I already me? Am I now just reacting to life's circumstances? Even more, I ask God why I've been asked to live through this.

I recently got my first teaching job at a Christian school and it is the most wonderful blessing I've received in a long time. I have been so convicted over my own life purpose in the last year, I have no doubt that God has a hand in placing me here, but even with that deep conviction about life, I struggle to share the most genuine reasons I have for living and being with my students.

First of all, just working in a place where it's okay to talk about God and to pray and honor scripture is an incredible thing, but making that personal for so many other "little people" is quite a daunting task. I have to admit I really have no idea where to start, but I have been given a couple of ideas. I love music with a passion and I'm so glad I made the journey to get the degree I needed to teach it. That's the obvious first point of contact. Teach the subject. Secondly, I have prayer. I have been praying almost every day for some aspect of our school, and I continue to trust God to honor those prayers. There are so many families and lives that are being touched through this school, I don't think I realized how much teaching was about giving.

So maybe I'm closer to reality than I thought. Real relationships, real needs, real truth. I'm so humbled there aren't words for it! At least not that I can find right now.

Well, time for my head to hit the pillow.

Till next time.