I'm Still Here...

Well, I'm still here, but "avoidance" is the word of the day (or month, as it may be).  My M.O. is generally avoidance when I'm having a hard time with something.  And I've been having a hard time with the topic this blog is supposed to be based on.  Grief.  It is ultimately the reason I'm here (in the blogosphere), and I have wanted only to write about the good things so far, but reality is not always good, nor is it easy.  Sometimes it's just ugly, and just plain hard.

I've been inspired lately by my cousin Laura and her blog about weight loss.  You can, and should, view it here:

http://weightlossinafastfoodworld.blogspot.com/

Laura and I have a few things in common, including a relatively honest disposition toward life in general.  So I've been reading her blog and realizing that I was avoiding mine.  So here I am again, but this time my goal is not to provide an "answer" to the dilemma.  Sometimes the answer has yet to be found, and you must continue taking steps forward until you pass through the thing that's holding you back.

Grief is a monster.  Grief is not simple.  It is complex and difficult to understand, and harder to live.  I don't know what grief you've been through in life, but for those dealing with losing someone to suicide, it all seems much more complex.  The time it takes to walk through this, though I'm not sure when or if "through" actually happens, can vary from a couple of years to a couple of decades for some.  I have met people who are functioning relatively well only a few months after the loss, and I've met some who are 3 or 4 years out and still struggling deeply with crippling depression and anxiety.  I've just learned that you can't judge how a person goes through the grief process because you don't really know all of the factors involved.  For instance, grieving my father's death has included almost every issue of loss I've ever dealt with in life at some time or another.  On any given day, I may not feel much about my dad, but I may be again grieving my parents' divorce, or any number of other losses I've experienced.

So don't underestimate what someone might be going through in grief.  And never tell them that they just need to "get over it and move on."  That will immediately alienate them from you.  Grief is a very personal process and you probably run into people that are dealing with grief all the time.  No, we don't want to be defined by our grief, but sometimes we are all too aware of the need to function in a "normal" world while still being hammered by the myriad of emotions grief can bring.

Till next time,

Jeremy