Thankful

We are fast approaching Father's Day, and the second one for me without my father.  If you are not up to speed on my blog, my father took his own life last year on February 13th, 2010.  Of course, the first Father's Day without him was very difficult, it almost seems a blur to me now.  However, I am thankful this year that it is not feeling so hard.  I don't know what kind of day it will be yet.  Often in grief, the severity of emotions you experience is unpredictable.  It's common to have a few good days and then to have one that knocks you off your feet.  You just learn to walk through it one day at a time, accepting what comes and dealing with it when it arrives. 

I am thankful that I have been able to recover from some incredibly deep periods of depression over the last 16 months.  More than once I have chosen to look this monster in the eye and say "I don't care how big and ugly you are, you're in my way."  I have said it before and I'll say it again.  I believe firmly that God has placed me here for a time and a purpose and given me His love and power to walk through the evil that is present in this world.  I don't know what reason you have for living, but after losing my father, I had to make some tough decisions about living on this planet.  And I'm still here, not because I've had great ability to persevere through this hardship, but because I've continued to turn to a God who has already conquered death and has blessed me with life.  I will live, and not die, to declare the works of the Lord (Psalm 118:17).

I am thankful for my father.  He was warm, loving, and genuine.  He was a giver.  He was opinionated, but he listened well when I thought something different, and I thought a lot different.  He was proud of his sons for all their accomplishments.  He believed in family, and stuck very close to his own.  He loved music, and he loved my love for music.  He was goofy, and proud of it.  He was like his father.  "Oh, Herb!!!" my grandmother used to say in a tizzy (Herb was my grandfather).  Then "Oh, Bobby!!!" came later, usually after Dad did something crazy or goofy, or just plain obnoxious.  I think he liked to be obnoxious for his mother (and probably his two sisters as well)!  He was proud of his work and loved to share it with anyone who would listen.  (I wish I had listened a little more on that one.)  He loved to talk with people about everything.  You just had to be careful about those "soap boxes" he'd get on!  You'd never hear the end of it.  He loved movies.  He loved lighthouses.  He loved dogs.  He loved traveling.  He loved morning coffee.  He loved cherry flavored candy.  He loved cars, especially his corvette.  You know, he loved.  And I loved him.